Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
dude. I can hear the air.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
