At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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