So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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