I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
