shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
