That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
