just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I can't turn off my feet"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Randomize
