Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
