Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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