When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
