I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
