how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
