It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize