i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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