saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
