capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize