i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
