When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
