3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
