you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
