You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Panties = found
Randomize
