I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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