she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
