I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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