hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
