I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
