oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I still have a little drunk in my system
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
