I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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