I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
