I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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