I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
