Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
