Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
