dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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