Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
