It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
