When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
