You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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