one two three fourrrrnication!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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