Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
this just has baby written all over it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
