I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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