I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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