I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
