Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
