The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
