oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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