Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
