this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
