Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
