Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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