He kissed a someone with a penis
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize