I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
