apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
