nut hugger
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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