I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
