oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
