You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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