I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
