my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
