Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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