i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
