Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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