You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
