I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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