Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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