Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
