Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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