erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
And then he peed in my hair
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